God of the impossible

So, awhile ago…. months and months ago, I purchased this book, “The Supernatural Power of a Transformed Mind” by Bill Johnson. The very first chapter opens up with this quote, “It is unnatural for a Christian to not have an appetite for the impossible”. This quote has stopped me in my tracks, and shook me to my very core. I have been unable to read this book because that one quote is where I am absolutely stuck. It actually made me angry at first. “Why?” you may ask, and my answer is long and complicated.
Is it really true that it is unnatural for a christian to not have an appetite for the impossible? To be a christian, I must believe that with God all things are possible, right? And yet, I guess, it made me see I was living a lie. Yes, you heard me right. I know what the bible says about God, and I believe it in a distant way. I have no problem praying for other people to get healed, as long as God isn’t being put on the spot to do it right now in my midst. When that happens I grow increasingly uncomfortable and want to run. I admit to you right now that I do not have an appetite for the impossible, but it doesn’t mean I love Jesus less.
Time after time, it has seemed my prayers have went unanswered. I have watched people be prophesied over that their disease is “healed” and yet it doesn’t happen. Do I believe in God less because of these situations? No. I just do not long for the impossible as I used to.
My friend challenged my very thoughts recently regarding believing for salvation for people. She said that she was could look at someone in particular and only see God’s heart of love for him, and all I could see was this man’s history and what looks like evil intentions. And hearing her heart concerning this man is challenging me to take a look at the people in my life that I am praying for to see God radically change them and for them to have an incredible experience with Him. I wonder, am I looking at them through God’s eyes and heart of love and His vision of their future?
Is He really the God of the impossible? Why arent’ we seeing this impossible happen in our lives? Have you like me lost your desire to see the impossible but just rely on what we see and know to get us by?
I am challenged… I am repenting… I am finding my appetite for the impossible again.

Our first great Halloween

Ok, so we don’t really ENJOY celebrating Halloween in general. I hate this season of the year. I hate scary things. I think it is awful that we celebrate fear. And it amazes me what parents allow their children to dress up as. With that being said, I also can not deny my children the fun of getting candy and dressing up, even if I think everyone else is crazy. Usually we do church events only. This year was no exception, except that this year I saw that a couple churches down the road were having a “Trunk or Treat” and we did that instead of going to a big carnival type church function. We did the carnival thing last year, and it was incredibly CRAZY and painful for Dustin and I and our kids didn’t hardly get any candy. The kids had to basically earn the candy by doing the games, and so they had to stand in long lines, etc. It wasn’t any fun at all. honestly. Fast forward to this year, I bought the kids costumes. So expensive, 25 dollars per midieval princess dresses (3), and we spent like 30 something on Elijah’s Knight costume (actually Dad let him pick a Roman helmet instead of a knight helmet, oh well). The kids were hyped up about this year, which was not my doing since I try to downplay it and talk about Halloween and how it is really a celebration of the devil, blah blah blah. We took the kids down to the churches, who were the sweetest older people handing out candy and making my kids say Trick or Treat (which they have never said before in their lives). It brought back memories to me. None of my kids had a fit. They all had so much fun getting candy in their bags. We did not hit neighborhood houses cause we don’t really know our neighbors yet. We did come home and I handed out a whole massive Sam’s bag of Dum Dum’s and some m&m’s, and 3 musketeers. It was CRAZINESS in my neighborhood. We just moved here this year, so it was just amazing to see everyone out and about. I sat on my front stairs and handed out candy. The kids were so cute coming and going, ah except for the older teens dressed up as scary movie characters. My favorite is the toddlers who come to my door and say, “Twick or Tweat”….. hahahaha! So funny.

I am going to figure out how to post pictures here today and post pics of my kids in their costumes.

When will we?

When will we stop basing what we believe on what other people tell us that the bible says? When will we stop quoting ministers and start quoting God? When will we come to our own conclusions about the bible and stop letting someone else tell us what to believe?

I am so frustrated with the way church is today. I feel we give ministers way too much authority in our lives, allowing them to tell us what the bible says and us just trusting and believing because they are the minister that they have studied it out. We even at times believe our minister only speaks what God tells them to say. Do we think for ourselves? My Mom always told me, “Anna, God gave you a brain and you need to use it.” And while it bugged me at the time when she said it, I did take it to heart. I have not allowed any one man to tell me what to believe. I have always went to the bible to be my final authoriy. It hasn’t made me popular with ministers over me. But I would much rather please God then please man.

I have failed though in this… I did allow some ministers to become a huge authority in my life for some periods. And through it, I allowed myself to become discouraged in my ability to hear God speak to me and in the friendship I believed I had with the Holy Spirit. And because of this, I have really struggled to find my way back to that place. I need Him to be the air I breathe… I really need Him to be that to me.

I am seriously deep in thought today.

Another thankful thursday……….

God has given me so many things… and I am so thankful for Him and His love. If I didn’t have Him and His love, I would be lost in this world. He holds me together. He gives me strength for every day.

Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha! I have no shame whatsoever, can you tell? A long time ago, I decided I don’t mind telling people it was my birthday. My own parents could forget my birthday on my birthday and if I waited for others to notice, then I wouldn’t get well wishes or happy birthdays. So, anyway, I am 34 years old today. I am not getting some awesome party or anything… and that’s okay by me…. Dustin will get me a cake and we will eat it together tonight after dinner. No cookign for me tonight either…. McD’s for the kids and I am not sure what I want to eat yet…. something ordered though.

haven’t been to church…

So, we haven’t went to church in over a month now. I do have a desire to go, only I don’t want to go to the church that we were going to. I love the people there, I really do. I don’t agree with everything that is said or done there though. Sometimes I feel so out of place there. It is small, only about 18 people with us there. And there isn’t really anything for the kids, so I end up chasing them around, telling them to be quiet, or taking them outside. And I wonder, what is the point of going to church if I cannot hear the sermon, or enjoy the worship, or even have a good conversation with anyone.

We made a decision several months ago to go to other churches and find one the works for our family. But Dustin started wanting to go back to the small one. And so then we visited back and had one good service, then it was back to the same old same old with the kids thing.

See, I feel so conflicted inside. The pastors who married us our the elders at the small church. We love them, they are spiritual parents to us. We feel like going to another church is being disloyal to them. Yet, I am angry with them about stuff they have said and done. And I have been trying to work through these issues, but it has been so hard to. Words they have spoken have unintentionally hurt me, and they are the kind that shape your beliefs about yourself. I hear them sometimes when I go to move out in my call, and they hold me back from what I know God wants me to do. It is paralyzing. I am trying to learn how to trust in God, and His love for me, His call on my life, and not so much on the “leaders” in my life and what they feel I should or shouldn’t be doing. It is hard to do this when you have been taught by militant leaders for years and years about following your leaders and obeying everything they say to do. I am trying to move away from that and back to the original foundation I was taught in that I need to hear and obey the Holy Spirit.

So, I think we just feel safe not going to any church right now. I refuse to feel I am “backslidden” cause I am not attending a local church. The church is not my mediator between Jesus and I. Jesus is the mediator between God and I. Church is what I attend to fellowship with other believers with our God. It is not the basis for my relationship with God like it used to be communicated to me.

I know we live in the last days and the days are dark and evil. I know how important it is to fellowship with other believers. And yet, I am not sure where God wants me. I know I want to attend this one church here that we visited once and loved. Just not sure that Dustin wants to attend there also. What to do?

Sept. 11th, 2001- I will never forget!!!!!!!!!

This year I feel it is important that we take the time to remember September 11th, 2001. I cannot forget that day. Dustin was serving in the USAF, and I was pregnant with our first child. Dustin was already awake, getting ready to go to the military hospital for a physical. I was sleeping, and our phone rang, my best friend Kelly was calling saying turn on the news, turn on the news. So we did. And we sat stunned, watching the buildings collapse, wondering what the heck we were facing in the near future. Really, I should start earlier, the day we went and watched the movie Pearl Harbor. I watched that movie, as it talked about the security our country was in. We felt we were safe from the evils of the world and that NO ONE would DARE touch us. And the Japanese attacked. Yes, they did awaken a sleeping giant. I remember telling Dustin as we left the theatre, “Our country is exactly the same today as it was back then. We could be attacked and we would never suspect it coming.” And it happened again.   On September 11th, did they just awaken a sleeping giant once again? Hmmm, I am not sure. People have already forgotten. Many I know feel safe once again from the evils out there. Even though many evils still exist today, Osama Bin Laden remains uncaptured. We have threats that are pushing the envelope with their attempt at nuclear weapons and other weaponry. Are we safe? Should we live in fear? No. We should not live in fear of the unknown, but we should prepare. Our government should be prepared. Our leaders should know that these evils cannot be simply negotiated with. I still stand with Bush and say terrorism cannot be negotiated with. We must stand our ground. We must stay united as a country and understand the severity of the times. We must respect those who died September 11th. They died because we didn’t take the threat seriously enough. WE cannot let another Sept. 11th happen.
Please pray for our country today. Please pray for our world. And please take your vote seriously this year. It will make a difference. Choose the one who you feel will lead our country safely and make wise decisions. I am proud to say I will be voting for John McCain. I feel he has the wisdom to lead this country during these dark days. Please search your heart and pray when deciding who to vote for.

Love
Anna

Do you identify with?

So, I have hit this place where I am starting to not realize the age of people I meet. People my age look so old, and I have yet to categorize myself people my age. I didn’t even realize this was so. But as I wondered at the age of a lady who babysat for my daughter today, I realized that she must be around my age, but she seems older to me. I guess I still think I am like 23 or 24, but nope, I am about to turn 34. When did that happen? It seems like I just graduated high school, but can you believe in like 4 years it will have been 20 years? OMG!!! SERIOUSLY!!! I do not feel that old at all!!! I mean, my body feels that old, but not my mind or even my memories. And I realize that I do not identify myself with people my own age. That’s crazy….

So I wonder, do you feel like me? Who do you identify with?

I am getting it, I think…

This school stuff is really hard stuff to get used to. I have to have the kids and myself on a STRICT schedule. I honestly love schedule. BUT, what makes it hard is having so many of us going in different directions all the time and trying to remember everyone’s “stuff”. I had to get the kids on a STRICT bedtime schedule of being down by 8pm. If they aren’t in bed by then, they are so unruly, uncooperative, and whiny. I just haven’t been able to keep my cool around the kids much since they started school. And then there is me, I haven’t been in bed at a decent time yet. I am hoping to remedy that starting tonight. It’s 9:10, and all the kids are sleeping. The kitchen is picked up. Kids backpacks are almost packed, just need to finish up Elijah’s in the morning. I want to make my tomorrow list. And then fold some clothes, and then go to bed. I would love to be asleep by 10:30 or even 11. Wouldn’t that be a dream? Instead of 12:30 as it has been every single night since they started school. Please tell me I will get this eventually. Cause i am so exhausted.

Oh and it doesn’t help that I am pregnant and that I just added a puppy to our lives. Can you say I live in chaos??? haha! Hence the need for a STRICT schedule.

New school schedule

I am totally and utterly exhausted…………..

I am running all day long to get kids to and from school. On top of this, I have a house to run, food to cook, and so much more. And I am pregnant. Seriously, by afternoon time, I cannot keep my eyes open. And I cannot stop to nap.

I guess I need to get to bed earlier. Maybe that will help me. Caffeine isn’t helping at this time. In fact, I must go close my eyes for a bit right now… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz