Today, I have reached the complete end to myself physically and emotionally. I had to sit and have a good cry…

I have been on meds to stop contractions for about 2 weeks now. They really suck. They make me feel yucky and make me dizzy. I really really hate it. And I was supposed to be bedresting. As if! I have four children and my husband can’t just stop working and take care of me and there is no family to do that either. So……… I kept going, not as much, but kept going. I am also nesting big time. I mean, the time for this baby to come is getting closer and closer and I still have so much to do. And then there is my house, it is a complete and total wreck and even once I get one room cleaned up, a few hours later I have to do it all over again. So, I was on my second round of cleaning the kitchen today when I just had a break down… I sat at the kitchen table, put my head down and cried… not enough though, just enough to get my head together before my husband or children saw me. I am so desperate for real help and people. This is one of those moments in my life that I wish I had more people in my life. We spend all our time by ourselves, it seems. Other then when we go to other people. And I am really tired of begging for friendships. It’s just not worth it to me anymore.

I do have a great friend, she just lives so far away. Then I have my mom, but again, she is too far away.

Dustin is my only true constant…. it’s good and bad all wrapped up into one…